When you come into a relationship in which your new partner had a family before you, particularly when there are kids involved, it is profoundly important to recognize how jarring it is to bring a new person into this system. When your partner has responsibilities that preceded you, what is best for you as a couple is to try to put as little pressure or expectation as you can on how your partner handles communication and connection with their ex.
It can be uncomfortable and can even feel like you’re being a sucker – especially if your partner spends what feels like long periods of time communicating with their ex – but the best thing you can do for your relationship is to support your partner in however they need to work through their process of separating from this system. Keeping your sanity is also something you need to ensure as every single verbal and non-verbal between your partner and their ex will surely not go unnoticed by you. Its only natural though so don’t worry about it. Instead lay some ground rules for yourself and your partner as well on how things should go between the three of you. Here are a few to start with
No Gushy Reunions: It’s great when exes remain friends, but it’s hurtful when they act as though you don’t exist when discussions involve the three of you. The perfect amount of detachment from you is okay but avoid situations where you become the uncomfortable third wheel. If they need to talk privately, they should do so without drawing it out but if you do have to witness the conversation or contribute, let your partner know before hand that you deserve to be treated as present and nothing less.
Watch The Physicality: Everyone has different levels of discomfort when watching their partner touch or be touched. For one person, a kiss on the lips is something friends do. For another, that’s cheating. When you’re dealing with an ex, every syllable and physical interaction carries a magnifying effect. If you are not comfortable with your partner making any physical contact with their ex, do make it known. Don’t assume your partner will know these things or how you feel about them.
Don’t Make A Scene When Trouble Comes: Of course everything won’t be rosy every single time. Tempers will flare, words will be spoke and emotions will boil over but through it all maintain your composure. There is no better way to win a situation than to be unflappable.
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Relationship: How To Handle A Relationship When Your Partner’s Ex Is Ever Present
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