Dear Aunty Aurora,
Thank you so much for helping people like me when we can’t help ourselves. I will appreciate if you can keep me anonymous. I am a young lady of 26 and I got married to the love of my life about 7 months ago. Prior to my marriage, those who knew my husband and I would often comment that we were the perfect couple because you would hardly see either of us without seeing the other. So, I was inconsolable when my work made it necessary that I come home only during the weekends.
By this time I was already married but my husband supported the new arrangement and encouraged me to continue with the job since the pay was very good. The problem in my home presently is that my husband and I seem to have lost that spark that was the hallmark our relationship. Each weekend I come home seem like a drawn-out torture I can’t wait to get out of because of boredom. All the excitement I looked forward to in marriage just vanished into thin air and I don’t even know where to start from in order to bring it back. Most times when I get home, my husband is either sleeping or trying to tidy up loose ends on his work. I truly do not believe that he is cheating on me with another woman but he just doesn’t express the kind of gladness he used to whenever he sees me. Please how do I revive my slowly dying marriage?
Troubled Wife, Nigeria .
Dear Troubled Wife,
Watching a once glowing love-life loose its vibrancy is one of the hardest thing to watch much less experience. I believe you are aware that marriage is a totally different setting from when you were dating and it might be a little difficult to accept some new realities that may come up with being in a union. In your case I think the reasons for you issues are actually quite obvious and easy to tackle. Although there is the saying ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder,’ too much distance can also make the heart feel lonely, neglected and uncared for.
When you both decided that you should continue with a job that would obviously keep you out of your home several days of the week, you should have seen this coming. The first thing the distance affect is definitely communication which is a very important part of any relationship. In your heart of hearts, you know your husband loves, but there is always a but hanging around these days. That “but” disguises a lot of hurt you have probably been nursing for a while now and the longer you keep it to yourself the more damage it would do. So the first point of action is to get the communication back. Reconnect with your husband and let him know how the new arrangement is taking its toll on you and on the relationship. You will find out that he also has a lot to say on the matter.
Work on reaffirming the two of you as a pair and not just two people sharing living quarters. You might also need to start looking for a job that won’t take you away from your family, because I believe that is where you problem stems from mostly. Working out a plan with your husband on how to go about this will also ensure that you are on the same page concerning new developments.
Furthermore try to revive those activities that you both used to enjoy as a couple before you got married. Make plans to get out more, staying cooped up indoors all day is neither healthy nor both of you. The importance of bonding and rediscovering yourselves over such activities can never be overemphasised. I am guessing your husband is also young like you, so don’t allow boredom make its permanent residence in your home. Fight for your marriage. Aunty Aurora.
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