Dear Aunty Aurora,
Please I need advice very urgently. I have been married for barely three years and I fear I might have married the devil himself. My husband lies, he cheats and event beats me up. I lost my first and second pregnancy due to these physical and mental abuse. The first miscarriage was due to the constant beating and stress while the second was because he left the house, went to cheat as usual and I couldn’t get to the hospital in time. While all this was happening I didn’t tell anybody and I was just there taking the beating, pain, insults and all without complaining.
When he is done pounding me, he would call his brother I have so much respect for to come and beg and apologise on his behalf. He would then buy me things just to say sorry. The last one was when I had our daughter and barely 2weeks after, he beat me up. Again I still stayed until she was 1month and 2weeks. Through out this period, I almost died from the constant beating then I decided to packed my things and left for my parents house. He came with his people to beg promising he won’t do it again. After everything, I had to leave my parent’s house and go with him. Since then, I have realised that I don’t know what to expect anymore but I came back because my parents asked me to what do I did all those times he wasn’t beating me. For months now he hasn’t raised his hands at me and has promised not to ever again but I am scared. Please what do I do?
Yours is one story among thousands of other women who have and are presently suffering the same things you have mentioned. Domestic violence should not be condoned because it not only affects you but also your child. I would like to believe your husband is a changed person but in order for you to stop living in fear, now is the time you need to do something.
Take advantage of his contrite state and both of you should go for counselling. During counselling he can openly talk about what sets him off and you can also express how you feel presently that things are going okay. If there is a possibility of signing an undertaking with the authorities for him to reassure you that he would never lay his hands on you, that should restore some of your confidence and at the same time put him in check if he starts acting up again. Most importantly, if he should ever abuse you again, know that that is your signal to leave and not return again. You have so much to live for and a child to look out for as well. Aunty Aurora.
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Dear Aunty Aurora,
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